7 posts tagged “life”
I think you'll find that since i joined facebook, my blogging quality and quantity has dropped about 7000% from the mediocrity of before.
see i don't even know how to phrase that, but you know what i mean.
i started one yesterday, not about much, but i 'paused' it and never found the inspiration to pick it back up. which is fine because mostly it was lamenting the same thing this blog is. namely: i am a lazy, narcissistic bastard, with no actual friends.
i have SO much i should be doing. fiance' and i are moving into A Real House* in october, which means, in theory, all the boxes i have brought home from work should be packed up and labeled and left ready to be loaded into a truck. however there they are and here i am, and no packing fairy has arrived to take care of that particular task for me.
similarly, i should be studying for my Cisco bootcamp** in October. I'm dead set on passing that CCNA test. However I haven't actually channeled that desire into any amount of opening of books or note taking. My most involved effort on that front: purchasing graph paper.
i don't know. i feel like success starts with graph paper.
or at least, it helps.
the aborted blog also addressed my recent mood swings. No i am not pregnant. Yes, i have mood swings. I have been happily off crazy-pills for.. .. uhh.. since april, and i'm now able to explore all the heights and depths of the human spirit as god intended.. or something. no actually, it's probably nothing like that. commercials make me cry, ok? especially the ATT commercial with the kid and the LOST DOG posters. omG. Niagara falls, frankie angel. and there are other things. stupid things. that make me mist up ridiculously and at inopportune times. it's probably hormones. here i am in the peak of my breeding years, spending all my nurturing, diaper changing, cookie-baking energies on a (totally empty-- c'est la vie) farmer's market dance.. and Mafia Wars.
it's all a trick, you see. when you hit 30, your body makes you think you are empty inside, so that you will fill it up quite literally with a Baby (and thereby ensure the survival of the species).
tricky nature. i'm not having it. or Having It. get it?
tomorrow is my mom's birthday... 50. I sent her a gift (on time, if you can believe that) and she left me a sweet, happy, totally normal and bubbly voicemail. i saved it. i havent' heard her like that in a hundred years, and it's nice.
also tonight, i miss paul. I was talking with a sort of guy friend and i was reminded (by the contrast) what it's like to have a Lifelong Friend, who knows like everything, and there is history and rapport. history is so crucial. and love and concern, and respect and honesty, and i just don't see those things spawning naturally these days. there is just something about adolescence that cements that. there's all the things you don't talk about but you know about, and knowing is sometimes enough.
paul was very special and i'll never be able to replace him.
So it's time for bed. time to love (and i do love) what i have here and now, here and now.
goodnight moon.
*rental.
**i don't even know why i astrisked this.
Or: i had a fucking amazing day, yesterday.
So... okay!
Background: i took the laces out of my keds. I really don't have a reason why, i just wanted to see them without laces and feel 12 years old again. i did and i do, and it worked, and i recommend this to every ked-wearer. Upshot is, i think it's seriously impacted my mood, or how people see me.. or .. something? How else to explain what a fantastic day i had yesterday?
1) got off to a great start with the farmer's market dance. we do this every third saturday at the nashville farmer's market.. this particular third saturday, a good chunk of our regulars (yes! we have regulars now) were out of town for one or another dance event in another city. Not to worry! i made sure to publicize the dance well enough in advance, and with the incentive 'bring a lead, get a candy bar'. we ended up with probably half the volume of our normal dance there, but all really fun people, and we were actually lead-heavy at one point. My newest friend here, Mama-L, brought her girlfriend and kids, and we all danced and hugged and watched the little ones play... and this inspired at least one other parent to bring his daughter out for a dance, while mama took pictures.
which was probably the cutest thing ever. painfully cute. In fact, so cute, we actually discussed holding a 15 minute 'lesson' at our future dances for any little kids who want to participate. they just look so excited; they've probably never seen grown ups dancing around in public, before.
I think kids are born dancing. life teaches you how to stop dancing, really.. society is repressing all those natural and beautiful impulses to spring up where you are and celebrate the joyful things in life.
overall, i'm way happy with this dance. for the last 5 third-saturdays, and yesterday in particular. we have an amazing, friendly, social group of swing dancers here, and i'm proud they come to an event i put together. I can't think of better people to represent me and the farmer's market and Nashville lindy hop.
2) BUT WAIT.. there's more... after the dance I drove up west-end to hit the earth day festival going on at Centennial park.. thinking.. OMG! Hippies! i'll be surrounded by like-minded recyclers....
It was fun.. people smiled at me. it was the keds, i'm sure.
I walked around the booths, picked up some flyers about vegetarian and other earthly things going on in nashville. I got information about Team Green (which i will probably join), and managed to promote our dance at the Market to the Bridgestone representatives at the Team Green booth. I think they may drop in on us at a future dance. (forgetting to take off your nametag has its benefits)
They gave me a tire gauge! (daddy, i told them how happy this would make you.. someone is looking after your baby girl!)
next i hit the Recycle Nashville booth where i asked the VERY accommodating Recycling-guy, Keith, all kinds of pertinent recycling questions. Such as:
a) what is the deal with clamshell containers?
b) what's up with starbucks????
c) do you have a list of other irate-persons living in apartment communities with no recycling? can we form a group? or perhaps a coup?
d) [and etc]
Keith answered every question, and gave me his email so i can ask him the other four questions i thought of immediately after leaving the booth. that will be my next project today.
In honor of earth-day-is-every-day-but-especially-sometime-in-Mid-To-Late-April, I will be compiling these questions/answers into a FAQ, which I will print out on reused paper at work, and which I will post on all my online presences.
I know, i know. you can hardly wait...!
On my way out of the festival, i passed a sort of nondescript booth for the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation, Small Business Environmental Assistance Program. On a hunch I stopped to ask some questions about environmental efforts at my office (which while it is not a 'small business' might still benefit from the information they can give me). Sharon and Ali were kind enough to answer some of my questions, and Ali gave me his contact info. He'll be getting a call from me bright and early on monday to address my specific questions. He has no idea, yet, how much he's going to help me and our office 'get green'.
3) I dropped off half of the items we chose for donation after the clothing exchange a few weeks ago. This stuff has been SITTING in my car; i just didn't have time to drop it off with all the work/tornados/dance lessons/hurt neck/travel to charlotte/etc/etc/etc/ad nauseam. Finally, this is done; i have a back seat again.
4) And then, i went grocery shopping, came home, and had tacos with the best boyfriend ever.
Ok i'm done blogging. Off to make today another great day :)
yay ya ya yay yay.
me
I KNOW I KNOW.
i've been away for no better reason than, i was on facebook telling people 16 and then 25 random things about myself. if this keeps up, soon enough there will be nothing random about me at all. it will all be, simply, the most pedestrian and common details of the wide-open book that is my life.
ew.
i think i will start a policy of lying on facebook. half of what i say will be true, half will be false... just to keep it real. (which is funny because 'real' would seem to imply 'truth' but, come on.. reality doesn't always involve actual facts, in fact i bet it does even less than half the time). so, keeping it real, or real-ish.
25 random (truthful) things about the last XXX days i've been MIA
a) I started out keeping tabs on (what's left of) my neighborhood but eventually stopped looking. Not because i didn't care, but because it was sort of like one of those bad breakups where you know you've been unfair and you just don't want to deal with the aftermath, so you avert your gaze.
b) there was no aftermath
c) i'm ok with that. Vox (unlike facefuck) allows me the opportunity to peek in on your lives without feeling it necessary to comment on every. miscellaneous. fucking. thing. you do. e.g:
---Jane Doe is tired.
---Jim Beam found his keys.
---Spe Lunkin became a fan of spam.
d) <related> i'm back on night shift. While this is totally crushing to my social life, it works miracles on my 'antisocial' life, which means.. hellloooo my vox lovers <purr purr purr> do you still love me???
e) I'm sick again. i swear to GOD swing dancers are like kindergartners, in the level of hanta virus they tote around under their creepy little dancer fingernails and on the back of their sweaty necks. Ew.
f) I do believe I logged on briefly to pimp my farmer's market gig, but allow me to go into excruciating detail for you.. because i'm 'totes proud' of what it's become:: I MADE A DANCE OMG IT IS TOTES AWESOME.
g) to elaborate: I found a public space at Nashville Farmer's Market to hold a swing dance, where all my swing dancer friends gather on the third saturday morning of the month to dance to the best (deejay'd) jazz/swing/big-band/whatever music we've got. So far, it's a HUGE hit with the dancer crowd, and from what i hear from the civilians like it too.. WE WANT YOU to come dance with us. You don't actually have to know how to dance, no one even cares.. we just want to be a member of the community, and support something so awesome as the local farmers market. and we want to dance. to jazz. with you. (did i mention the 'you' part)? Next one is THIS COMING SATURDAY, 2/21, farmer's market, inside, 11-ish am to 2pm.
h) ha-ha. i was joking about the hanta virus thing. (note to self: provide hand sanitizer)
i) since initiating this post, i have already checked facefuck 10 times for new updates. *twitch*
j) I bought a mac!!! I am so, so deeply in love with my mac -even through our growing pains. I feel like we have so much to learn about each other.. like.. Where is the control key? why doesn't it work? how the FSCK do you cut-paste? WTF IPHOTO OMG SRSLY??? But like little Hope which flew out of Pandora's box on the heels of all those Troubles... there's a terminal window to make it all sweet and simple again!! so i can say: Mac, oh Mac i don't know why you iPhoto the way you do... but i sure as hell know how to fix it.*
k) *yes, i have had to reinstall MacOS once already. we try not to focus on that. we're trying to move forward in a healthy way.
l) i just figured out that command, with the weird clover -thing on it, + 'i' will make italics. watch..i will do it again.
m) my new years' resolutions were to give up plastic bottles and plastic bags. I am happy to report that since 1/1/09, i have sponsored the production of ZERO plastic bottles and only one plastic bag, because i'm an idiot and forgot that when you pick up take-out they usually put it in a bag for you. I am getting more comfortable bringing my canvas bags to the mall and carrying my purchases around in them. I feel like a shoplifter all the time, but no one has actually accused me of it. so maybe thats the trick (shoplifters, take note)
n) I went home to phoenix for the half marathon there, hung out with my family and a few of my friends. good times were had by all.. unless you count the first 72 hours where mom and i were having a fight so monumental that we've just made silent agreement never to speak about it again...
o) ...except with my therapist.
p) Jinkies came to visit in October, and we bought a box of wine to be ironic. except that it was actually kind of good and i've been buying it ever since. i'm sure that's bad, and i'll have to turn in my membership to whatever club it is that demands you at least pretend you know shit about wine. but it's cheap and doesn't suck and .. so sue me.
q) one of my cali friends had the cutest baby ever. his name is Connor. and i love him very much.
r) at 6 am, i'm going to take what I hope is my last round of Theraflu and fall into a deep slumber. When I awake, I will be well again. (and while we're at it: 5'10" and 108 lbs. and with a 190 IQ and a billion dollars..)
s) speaking of a billion dollars, i got a really good annual review at work :) Note that this in no way relates directly to a billion dollars, but it may indirectly relate to the smallish but not insubstantial sum I received for a yearly bonus. Most importantly, it echoed my own feelings on my performance: namely that I AM THE SHIT.
t) all the same, I'm really glad to be back on night shift. I like the work a lot better, and it helps me save money...
u) ...which I'm saving to buy a house.. soon.. well not so soon. but eventually.
v) I want to live in east nashville.
w) My boyfriend got a job at $NashvilleSweatshop , part time. I could go on and on about this, but i have to check with him first to find out what i'm allowed to reveal online. for now, suffice to say that in our entire lives together, in all my fumbling and clutziness, i will never give him as many cuts, bruises, and assorted injuries as he has received in two weeks on the job at $Sweatshop.
x) I downloaded a shit-ton of swing and jazz music today, because i was informed i'm expected to dj for an hour after the dance class i'm teaching on tuesdays. This inspires a cold panic in me. In all my years of swing-dancing i've never actually learned anything about swing-music. I only know the titles of about 5 songs, and only then because i had a routine or something to them... which means they're FAST and not at all suited for beginners. So i spent most of today with headphones on, trying to get a sense of style and tempo for something resembling a playlist for Tuesday evening. Dj'ing is an art, and it requires at the very least, interest and talent. I have neither. hahahah we'll see how that goes.
y) I'm going to DC in april, for a totally non-dance-related vacation to visit my friend Gangbuster. we are going to dress fancy and paint all the red doors we find, black :)
I've watched 1-10 episodes (approx 15 minutes) of Stephen King's N, and i think it's terrific. I watched two episodes ('Pilot' and 'compromise') from 'Quarterlife'.. and..
I was a little too young for Reality Bites when it came out.. I think i was still in high school. I couldn't sympathize with feeling lost or directionless, of floundering. Now that I'm older, watching Quarterlife.. I can't relate again, because it's been a long time since I had those kinds of choices to make. I just went where life took me, I followed boys and paychecks. sometimes it worked out, and sometimes it didn't, but the choices weren't 'choices' as much as a function of love and money.. I never struggled with passions, or fears, or my definitions of compromise and selling out, or unrequited love, or being under or unemployed. I just did whatever made sense at the time.
anyway, the quarterlifers make me miss a part of my life i never lived.. the wandering, idealistic part. who do you think i'd have turned into, if i'd spent a while in those shoes?
Boyfriend and i have matching jcrew catalogs except his is bigger. by like a hundred pages. what. the. fuck. see if i ever (never) order anything from them again (haven't)
Jcrew needs to design things with the large-assed female in mind.
Today: Hair looks great, fabulous. I have Kickboxing and drinks with a friend after work. I had Mennonite bread for breakfast. I don't know what else those Mennonites are up to, but they make damn good bread. I'm already sick of the soup I made to last for a week of lunches. but it's vegan i guess. Today is not nearly as gorgeous as yesterday. I fear a winter relapse.
Big decision coming up about whether or not to wear socks.
What would Jesus do?
Here's a cute pic from last night, I woke up to in my gmail. I will let you wonder about that glass on the floor:
this is my life.
What are your rituals or traditions for starting off a new year?
i sacrifice a goat. (it's how i was raised)
i am a sucker for passion. Passion for anything, passion for love, life, food, dance, music, arts, math; nothing thrills me more than to witness passion in motion, to see (or be) someone wholly committed to pursuing a dream. I love that energy.. to generate it, or be around it.
passionless people .. don't disappoint me exactly. but i can't relate. some people are content to talk a big game and never do shit. maybe talking the game is their passion-- I don't know.. like i said, i can't relate. and i think contentment is ok in itself, too ...
but...
...I just prefer to have it all.
